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This is an excerpt from MEGA Feb-March 2026 Read My Lips
Content Note: The following story includes conversations about body image, food anxiety, disordered eating, and mental health. Please read with care.
I hate numbers. But my life seems to be punctuated by it in scales, steps, and calorie intake. 58 kilograms. 10,000 steps.1,200-calorie restriction. 58 kilograms soon dropped to 51 kilograms. The crowd applauds. You look different! You look great! You look fabulous! And this is the part where I would lie. It’s the movement! It’s the diet! It’s the discipline. All of which are true. But only in the aftermath.
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The past six weeks have been a war against my body. Constantly sifting through curves, bloat, and flab. Every flaw held up against the flashlight. Every disproportion was scrutinized for criticism. It became my obsession in much the same way that one might become obsessed with playing russian roulette with electricity. My FYP seems to feed this.
It’s not a hobby. It’s a habit. The self-induced pressure to fix my body is muscle. It began with slimming capsules, detox teas, sauna suits, corset training, contouring wraps, and, of course, gym memberships. I’ve lived through it. In my teens, at least. I did not expect that I would have to live through it again with a fully developed frontal lobe. So, what gives? Are we always going to struggle to find peace with our bodies at every age? Is this a generational curse?
I am not good with changes. I’ve stressed over how much my body has changed. I’ve stressed over how much I did not realize that my body has changed. I’ve stressed over how I don’t know how my body has changed. It feels different. It feels new. It feels like I am a stranger in my own body. It feels like my body is strange. The more I scroll online, the more it cycles. The thought of it made my stomach hurl. I skipped a meal. And it happened again. Until it snowballs.
I called it fasting. The truth is, I was starving.
58 kilograms to 51 kilograms. My weight was spiraling downward which to me was a validation of what I was doing. I felt like I was in control again. But it did not last long. Health anxiety shows up as a fear that my body will betray me the way I betrayed it. I want to eat because I know that I need to eat. I don’t want to eat because I don’t want to lose the progress. It quickly spun out of control.
Normative discontent thrives in this kind of noise. Never have I felt smaller, inferior, and more alone.
But, here is the truth: I am not alone. According to Dr. Regie Layug, Marie France Doctor, Filipinos, of all genders and wide range of age, are struggling with body dissatisfaction related issues. “I’ve seen clients long enough to see this happen again and again,” he said. ”We move away from extreme dieting, we start talking about acceptance and then suddenly, we’re back to chasing one ideal body again.”
Nicky Reardon talked about this in his video essay, The Death of Body Positivity & the Twisted Marketing of Skinny. He pointed out, “What once was the Get Slim Fast supplements of the ‘90s became a rampant use of Ozempic. The Jazz-ercise girls became the pink pilates girls. The return of trend dieting: 75 Hard. Winter Arc. Summer Glow-Up Challenge. Beach Body Fat Burn. It is a never-ending cycle.”
Resistance feels alienating. Conforming feels easy. The rest of the world is doing it anyway: glowing up. At least that is what my algorithm is telling me. That is if I love myself, I can’t stay the way that I am. I need to change. I need to improve. I need to look new. My desire exits. My fixation settles. My body became a project.
Read more about the reality of body politics and how it robs us our peace in MEGA’s Feb-Jan 2026 issue, now available on Readly, Magzter, Press Reader and Zinio.
Photographed By: YEL DELA PAZ . Art Director CLARE MAGNO. Sittings Editor AGOO AZCUNA-BENGZON. Producer THESSMAR LECTURA. Makeup ATHENA JANAIRO. Hairstylist REESE ROQUE. Photography Assistants: BIANCA ESTANISLAO and KARLO BAYLON. Stylists: CHARLOTTE SOMBILLO and JERMAINNE LAGURA OF QURATOR. Model AGIE STOCKEL. Nails ALMA TORNIADO of TRIPLE LUCK NAIL AND BROW SALON.
